The idea for PAGINATION came about as I was coming out of a very deep and terrible depression. It had been months since I’d had any creative impulse. I couldn’t write, I couldn’t think clearly, I couldn’t escape the suffocating feeling that I wasn’t doing enough with my life. This, then, generated an anxiety about how there’s so much to see and do. There’s a clawing, anxious fear that I’m missing something in not doing everything.
If I’m not a writer (still not sure), at least I can say that I’m a reader. A reader of most anything you put in front of me. PAGINATION dawned clearly in my mind the morning I didn’t feel so despairingly awful anymore. For months it’s lived and breathed within me, and now I’m finally able to see what it looks like.
PAGINATION isn’t a blog, per se, nor is it a collection of book reviews. Though I suppose it could be those things if it feels right to take this fulfillment project in that direction. But my initial thought was that this would sort of be a numerical account of everything I read–books, articles, poems, essays, reports, etc. Each entry on some form of print media will include the name of the work, author, word count, amount of time spent reading, and a few thoughts and reflections. I want to see how much reading consumes me. I want tangible evidence of it.
I imagine PAGINATION will also heal me in some way, though I can’t say how yet. PAGINATION feels like a solution to something, an answer: A broken heart? A tired soul? A wearied mind? Perhaps it’s just reintroducing my passion to me. This is my meditation. This is my practice.
Read if you will.